If there has been one main lesson that God has been trying to teach me throughout the past year, it is one of patience. In all aspects of life, He has been forcing me to wait, which, as a result, causes me to rely on faith alone and less on my own understanding.
A constant prayer of mine recently has been, "I am trusting You, o Lord, my future is in Your hands … (pause) … but would You mind giving me just a little clue about what this good future You've promised me looks like?" (Psalms 31:14-15). How foolish is that? My life isn’t a Blockbuster movie- He doesn't owe it to me to show me a preview of what is to come. By not directly answering my prayers, I am being forced to trust Him in what sometimes feels like a blind manner. Instead of physically seeing my future, I must cling to His covenant as a reassurance of His love for me and as a reminder of the prosperous future that is promised to His followers in Jeremiah 29:11 (“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”)
As a result of my continuous wondering what the upcoming years have in store, I have begun to realize that I focus too much on the future and don’t spend enough time enjoying life day-by-day. Ralph Waldo Emerson eloquently stated that “Life is a journey, not a destination.” I often wish I embraced this truth more wholeheartedly, as I think I would be genuinely more patient, knowing that there is no rush to get to specific deadlines, to know certain truths, to accomplish goals or tasks. In channeling my energy towards each day, I am able to focus on bettering myself in the moment – living a holy, pure life seems much more attainable when you think about it smaller increments.
Another renowned figure in American literature, Emily Dickinson, described her thoughts on religion in a poem titled “Some Keep the Sabbath by Going to Church.” In the last stanza, she stated, “So, instead of getting to heaven at last, I’m going, all along.” My interpretation of these lines is that she focuses on living her spirituality and faith on a daily basis, not just believing in God as a means to an end.
When reflecting on childlike impatience, the most vivid of memories is that of being in a car with my parents, asking the question: “Mom! Dad! Are we there yet?” 1 Corinthians 13:11 reads, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” It’s time for me to grow up, to be more patient, and to focus on living every moment in its entirety. James 4:14 is a reminder of the urgency to act in this manner. The verse says, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog – it is here a little while, then it’s gone.” The answer to James’ question is that we do not know, and there is sometime inertly frustrating (to me), but ultimately beautiful, about that fact, and I will continue to pray for more patience from the Lord. Needless to say, I want my “morning fog” of a life to be as meaningful as possible.
In His precious and holy name,
Ailee
